Waiting alongside railway tracks

Scrambling off the bus and walking the short 50-ish meters to the entrance of the train station, I primly stride to the waiting area for the next train, along with various other people eager to be on their way. A combination of luck (fast bus+late train) would see me deliriously happy to be back home more than 20 minutes earlier from my normal routine.

There has always been something shockingly tranquil yet heavily overlapped with shades of varying expressions; mostly boredom underlined by anxiety. I had the odd occasion to bring my camera to school, and just because I could, I took a few pictures while waiting for the next train/KTM to arrive.

 Repetition makes us less attentive.

This is how I see the world when I'm tired and detached; blurred. 

Not an unusual facial expression to have while waiting for the KTM.

I always wondered how they listened to music with layers of cloth blocking the sound waves; higher volume I suppose?

I don't see many happy faces; the KTM is always late.

I wonder if little kids feel threatened; them being at this height.

Finally.

The initial rush of getting into the train. 

You don't know the meaning of the word 'squashed' until you've sat on the KTM during peak hours.

Not surprisingly, what most people do on the KTM is play with their phones/electronic devices. The odd student can be seen studying (or in my case, attempting to study).

This is my first time trying out my new camera; I've been too busy to fiddle around with it. 

The doors are closing; till I have more time and something relatively interesting to write about, the doors will remain closed. 

'Photoshop'- Define it please

"Don't always believe her pictures, they're all Photoshop-ed"; it is phrases like these which leave me more than a little irked- careless, dismissal comments thrown into the air like scrunched up paper balls into the waste paper basket. Please, can you define the term 'Photoshop'? If it means opening the program and using it to make adjustments to your pictures, then what so different about using any other picture-editing program? There are millions and billions of pictures on the internet; and at least three quarters of then have went through post-processing.

Admit it, who can resist using a photo-editing tool to AT LEAST remove the blemishes off our faces, or to tweak the colours (yes, using filters count) to improve the general outlook of the picture?

Yes, I use Photoshop. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I manipulate my pictures to alter the structure of my face and body. Now that you mention it, there are built-in functions within many (other) photo-editing programs to enlarge your eyes and to make the people in the picture seem thinner (by 'squeezing' the photos sideways).

This post does not intend to cause harm or provoke an argument. I am aware of the fact that 'Photoshop' is mainly used as a term to indicate a deliberate change in the picture compared to the original copy. I just dislike the many assumption made regarding Photoshop users.

Just my two cents regarding this matter.

Decisions

Waiting in line with countless other weary faces, I unceremoniously dump my everyday luggage onto the much trampled on tiled floor,  feeling the palpable monotony of waiting for the ever-late vehicle and the overall dull atmosphere of creeping loneliness drenching my spirit. Finally a steady flash of light originating from the tear in the wall at the far end of the tunnel increases in density, rushing us by as it finally rolled into place with a slight rumble. Hurriedly, blurred faces push and scramble into the vehicle, dashing with little haste of seeming rude to get hold of a seat. The less fortunate stand cramped in what area was left.


I would sometimes close my eyes and take a deep breath, chest steadily expanding outwards as I erase everything else from existence; allowing myself the temporary bliss only ignorance can provide for a brief fraction of a second before releasing my breath. As my chest heave downwards, the jumble of mixed emotions constantly looming at the edge of my consciousness slides heavily onto me. Fatigue and exhaustion the main cause of worry.

It makes me wonder sometimes, about everybody else, especially the ones around me while I travel.


Days, weeks, months of travelling made the ardor of travelling blurred, insignificant, and all together too tedious of a regime to give much thought to. But in moments, people in the crowd stand out; like a splashes of colour in a black and white photograph. That old Malay lady with the crinkled face and haggard expression; sneaking peeks at me while I scribbled onto my chemistry homework sheet whilst using my pink Biology folder as a solid surface, balancing it precariously on top of a nearby seat as a make-shift table while jerking along with the movements of the vehicle. That pretty Indian girl with the soft curls and dreamy eyes staring at some far-away object longingly, books and folders laid on her lap as she spaced out from the rest of the world. A tired old man, bent with age presumably precipitated by the curse of addiction to cigarettes as he gave me a tired albeit genuine smile while offering his seat to me. Or perhaps that little girl in a school uniform, fidgeting as she nodded off into slumber and looking terrified after realizing she missed her stop upon waking up.

What would I know? The stories behind the blurred faces and the ongoing hardships of every individual on the vehicle. Things rush us by, and rarely do we stop to ponder on the workings of everyday life. It seems so much more simple; hearing their stories and parting carefree advice. But honestly, what would we know?! Unless we've been through it before, we can never really understand, can we?

I'm so tired of explaining myself. I'm both physically and mentally worn out as a compilation of many factors.

Did I make the correct decision?

Updates of year 2011; the year before I turn legal.

Without much ado, the post-SPM holidays along with year 2011 drolled by at turtle speed with jotting flashes which would otherwise signify a slow steady paced holiday. Not much went on; I got started on the process of earning my driving license (A present from my beloved ah-kong, who insisted on paying the fees as my 'after form 5 present' and took me out for rounds to get my feet on the gears), started looking through my books and materials courtesy of KLASS (Kuala Lumpur Alice Smith School), played an MMORPG with my friends (one I've not played since standard 6), made glutinous rice balls for the Winter Solstice Festival while laughing at my brothers ridiculous antics, went shopping, attended my paternal grandparents anniversary as well as a few weddings, and mostly replied thousands and thousands of emails and Facebook messages.

*Hugs myself and spins on my toes before landing on the sofa* Sigh, wasn't year 2011 just amazing? Sometimes I wish more could be done, but overall I would say year 2011 was an accelerated escalator into maturity. Important decisions and actions have been made and I'm crossing my fingers on being able to pull everything off (and hopefully much much more) in year 2012; a test of self-discipline and strength of will. Lets just see how I fare this year *winks*.

It's so relaxing to just flip(or more specifically, click) through all I've encapsulated in this blog at quiet moments; a treasure trove of happy moments and thoughts rolled under one header. So let me pick off from whence I left:

Got to get studious-crazy again; especially in two days time when the school term starts! The bottom left picture shows my letter of announcement from the National Service Department; I was supposed to check in on the 1st of January (the government must have had their dates jumbled up; that's a public holiday for crying out loud!) but I managed to get a letter of deferment from their headquarters. The whole procedure only took 5 minutes, but the journey there took me and my mum 40 minutes! The other pictures show some of the things I received from KLASS.

On the 27th of November, my immediate family and my first uncle's family joined forces to celebrate Alden's 12^th birthday in McDonald's, where all of us embarrassed him till he buried his head into his hands by singing the birthday song for him at the top of our voices with a… *drum roll, wait for it* fish fillet burger as his birthday cake! The trend started since year 2008 when my parents forgot about Brian's birthday. Conveniently there were a few mooncakes left after the Mooncake Festival…

A picture dug out from the deep recesses of my external hard drive.

From the left: Isabel, Brian, and me. My goodness, how young we looked then.

For me, I got a piece of naan bread from the mamak stall earlier this year; with one big candle and seven smaller candles poked on top of it using candle stands *laughs*.

PS: This may be an odd albeit amusing family tradition, but I prefer birthday cakes if anyone wants to know!

We didn't light enough candles; he actually turned 12 this year; I think the poor burger didn't like being poked in the middle anyway. After Alden extinguished the flame, each of us took a bite of his 'birthday cake'. Don't worry he didn't starve, we bought another fillet of fish for him to fill his rounded tummy.

My parents had everything planned for a nice holiday with friends, but due to unforeseen circumstances, our plans fell disarray. So for 3 days, I 'sacrificed' myself to look after my 7 year old sister who picked up chicken pox after a holiday camp while the rest of my family went to Penang for Christmas (If I didn't volunteer, my mum would have stayed behind. If you ask me, she really deserves a holiday after putting up with us four kids constantly tugging at her strings! She must have gone through a ton; with us three older kids sitting for major government exams while Isabel took her first step into primary school). Isabel and I stayed in our maternal grandparents place where we played with their four month old beagle, Rex (undernourished little thing from the pet shop with boundless energy), did more housework I did in a week during those three days (If my mum is reading this, she'll laugh), and mastered the art of killing flies (don't laugh, it requires vast doses of patience to kill those excruciatingly annoying buzzing things that came when my grandparents cooked lip-smacking crab for Christmas in their open-air concept house).

The only time Rex can be seen sitting still is when he's in his cage! The cute rascal terrorize my grandparents on a daily basis; I wouldn't advise a 70-ish year old couple to get a beagle to 'fill up our empty house' but my grandmother was enticed by the adorable brown eyes...

My family may not celebrate Christmas, but I have relatives who cherish the Christmas-sy cheer and it's always a bauble of joy to join in their joyous celebrations. My aunt gave me 'Think Like A Champion' by Donald Trump *squeals and jumps around like a kid* and Stephanie gave me sprite flavoured Lip Smackers (hmnnn….smells smexy). With more then half of the family on vacation, Christmas this year was a quiet affair.

Look at this girl; how much she has grown! And yes, she's now bigger then Isabel. Poor Alden gets dragged whenever he takes her out for a jog. 

This naughty dog made me really (x infinity times) angry. Just look at my (gnawed) slippers!

She ripped the thongs off the left side of my slipper, and when I bought a new pair she redid the favour to the right side of my new pair. My mum sighed, “All I do is buy slippers!” and told me to just wear the usable sides and pass it off as 'fashion'. 

And guess what…she 'killed' my damaged blue slipper when I went into the house for just 5 minutes to take my phone! So now I'm running around with a pair of slippers at least two sizes too small since my mum has not found the time to get me another pair. Argh.

The biggest surprise came from my beloved paternal grandmother who spoils me such...

A Nikon D3100; my first DSLR; a little something I've expressed undiluted yearning for over two years! ♥

Cheers to year 2012! May it be a blessed year filled with good cheer and fortune increased by tenfold.
*blows kisses all around* Catch them if you can ;)